There is nothing more stressful or lonely than being stuck in a marriage when the trust is gone. It can feel like the loneliest place on earth. It is often at this point that one or both of the couple are faced with a difficult choice...they can either carry on in misery, give up on the marriage and get divorced or they can try and work out the difficulties they are having by attending marriage counselling.
Trust can be lost in a marriage for a number of reasons: infidelity, poor communication, financial difficulties, parenting difficulties, complicated relationships with extended family, social pressures and difficulties with children. Often one or both of the couple will feel neglected or unheard, and will after a short time of trying to be heard, give up. It is at this point that the marriage is at its most vulnerable. To the outside world, it may appear as the marriage is fine, however, close friends or family might begin to see the signs of the relationship between the couple starting to deteriorate. Young children or unaware Teenagers may be unaware of how unhappy their parents may be. They may be surprised to learn one day, that the marriage is suddenly ending. It is at times like this that it is essential that the couple seek help in the form of support from their friends and family as well as outside help.
The best form this outside help can take is marriage counselling. By going to therapy, both partners can air their feelings of distrust, anger and sadness, and be taught how to effectively listen to each other. This skill of really being able to 'hear' what your husband or wife is feeling, is the key tool to building a good and solid relationship. This skill of active listening, is what counselling can teach you.
When you are able to really hear what your spouse is feeling, and you feel that they can really 'hear' you....the marriage will start to heal naturally. Indeed, it is this ability to really listen to others, which will help you become a better spouse, a better parent, a better friend and better at your job!
Even if one or both partners feel that the marriage is over, counselling can help you resolve things one way or the other. It can help rebuild trust and love, or it can help you to uncouple in the healthiest and most stress free way both for you and your children. Getting insight from an outsider who only has your best interests at heart, can only be helpful.
Marriage counselling can often lead to Family Therapy. This happens when the married couple realises that their children will benefit from being able to explore their own feelings too. Through family therapy, children can be helped to come to terms with divorce or to let their parents know how it feels to be living in a home which is full of angry and stressful feelings. Children will often show the stress they are living under, by misbehaving at home and at school. When their parents are caught up with their unhappy marriage, children's feelings often get neglected. This is understandable, as the more unhappy and stressed the parents are, the more self absorbed they become. All their energy goes into trying to survive in the unhappy marriage. There is very little left for the children. Counselling can help identify these problems and help to appropriately refocus parents back onto to their children's feelings.
When distrust grows and begins to break down your marriage, don't suffer alone. Marriage counselling can help solve your problems.